What Echoes Render Page 9

  Then she spoke. “How did you do it?” she asked. “I mean raising a daughter on your own when you were a kid yourself? I had a husband who was a good man, a good father. I also had my parents until about seven years ago when they moved out west, and Mark’s parents for a few years when the boys were really young. And even then it was hard. I can’t imagine having done it on my own when they were little.”

  He gave a half smile. “I’m pretty sure that raising kids is hard no matter how old you are when you do it. But yeah, it was hard. But I wasn’t completely on my own. Like I said, my parents were amazing. We made an agreement that they would help with child-care costs as long as I kept a full load at the community college and kept my grades up. They also let us both live with them until I was well on my feet. I managed to buy a small place by the time Miranda was six. It was near my parents’ place; I didn’t want to move too far away from them given how devoted they were to her. And it worked out. I studied chemistry in college and during my last year met a guy whose brother was a firefighter in Truckee, the small town near Tahoe in California where I grew up. The hours seemed good and I liked the camaraderie of it. It was a more adult version of what I’d missed by not going away to a four-year school.”

  “And the arson investigation?”

  “I kind of fell into it. Given my background in chemistry, they asked me to attend a couple of courses on accelerants and other flammable materials. One thing led to another . . .” His voice trailed off.

  “And here you are. But how did you get here? I mean to this area?”

  He let out a self-deprecating laugh. “Like you, I was excited for Miranda to go off to college, do all the things I didn’t get to do. She’s a great kid and I know she’ll do well . . .”

  “But you still want to keep an eye on her.”

  “Guilty,” he said, not bothering to hide the accompanying smile. “She’s in a seven-year undergrad and medical degree program in Providence. Albany had an opening in their fire department; I figured maybe it was time for me to break out of my shell, too.”

  “And do you see her often?”

  He shook his head and looked down at the bottle in his hand as a wave of emotion washed over him. “Not as often as I would like, but then again, if she lived at home, I probably wouldn’t see her as much as I would like either. But she’s off starting her new life and doing really well. She loves the program, the people, her professors. We talk a lot, almost every day, but I only get to see her about once every five or six weeks.”

  “You must be very proud.”

  He looked up at her words, an echo of his own from only days earlier.

  “Yeah, I am,” he said. She smiled at him and their eyes held. Then Mike’s claws dug into his thigh and he drew back, breaking the moment. With a glance at the clock, and the empty second beer in his hand, he frowned.

  “It’s almost eight. I’ve kept you way too long.”

  She waved him off but rose from her seat. “I’m glad you stayed. I mean, it was good to talk with you, and to be honest, from a purely selfish standpoint, it was nice to have something to think about other than myself.”

  Following her into the kitchen, he placed the second empty bottle on the counter by the first one.

  “How are you feeling? I see your bandages are still in place.” He wanted to examine each and every one of them, peel them off and make sure the EMTs had done a good job.

  “They’re fine.” She rubbed a hand over the back of her neck in a self-conscious gesture. “I won’t be surprised if I’m a little sore tomorrow, though. I fell to the ground pretty hard. But other than that, I’ll be fine.”

  “Do you have any plans for tomorrow, or will you be able to take it easy?”

  “Easy, definitely. I’m having lunch with my friend Kit, but nothing else. Not even laundry.”

  “Sounds like the perfect lazy Sunday,” he said. Well, an almost perfect lazy Sunday, he thought to himself as an image of Jesse lounging around in bed popped into his head.

  “Hopefully. You?” she asked, oblivious to where his head was.

  He cleared his throat. “I’ll be working up in Albany with Dr. Buckley, seeing what we can come up with on this fire.”

  Her mouth tightened at his words and he wished he hadn’t reminded her of what had happened, wished he’d been a little more conscientious.

  “I’m not sure if you can, but if you can, will you keep me updated?” she asked, walking him to the door.

  As he stepped outside, he pulled his keys from his pocket. “To the extent that I can, yeah, I’ll keep you updated. I have your number.”

  “And you know where I live.” She wrapped her arms around her middle. Whether she did this because she was cold or as a defensive gesture to keep the events of the day at bay, he didn’t know.

  “And I know where you live.”

  A soft breeze lifted a few pieces of her hair and blew them across her face. He almost reached out to brush them back. To touch her. To maybe ask her out on a real date where they could talk about movies and food and the weather. Not teenage parenting and arson. But her own fingers came up and tucked the wayward strands behind her ear.

  “Thank you for coming out. I appreciate how much you went out of your way for me.”

  He wasn’t sure if that was another dismissal or not. He studied her eyes but they gave nothing away. So, rather than put her in an awkward spot, he stepped back, while at the same time deciding, then and there, that he wasn’t about to let this thing go—whatever it was between them. Maybe what he felt when he was with her was the start of something. Or maybe it wasn’t. But right now the moment just didn’t feel right to try and find out. And if there was one thing his job had taught him, it was the importance of intuition.

  So he drove away with the image of her standing in the doorway watching him leave burned into his mind.

  CHAPTER 7

  AS JESSE ENTERED THE TAVERN, she waved to Rob, the bartender and owner. Seeing Kit at a booth in the back, she made her way across the room. Her friend stood to greet her with a kiss on the cheek as she arrived at the table. Jesse took off her coat and slid into her seat.

  Kit, wearing a smile, already had a glass of white wine in front of her. “What are you smiling about?” Jesse asked, motioning to Rob to bring her a glass of whatever wine Kit was drinking.

  Jesse had met her friend a few years back when Kit, an author, had contacted her and asked if she would provide information about hospital processes and procedures for one of her novels. Jesse had been glad to be her go-to gal on the subject; Kit’s world was so different than her own day-to-day life, it had been fun. Over the months they’d been in contact, their relationship had grown from that of professional acquaintances to friends and now, years later, she considered Kit one of her closest. Last year, she had introduced Kit to both Vivi and Matty and Vivi now acted as a consultant to Kit, as well. And since neither Matty nor Kit were inherently jealous people, the two of them had also grown close, bonding over the industry.

  Between Abigail, Kit, Vivi, and Matty, Jesse knew she’d hit the jackpot of girlfriends.

  “My brother is coming town. I was just thinking you might make a good match for him,” Kit said with a waggle of her eyebrows, answering Jesse’s question.

  Jesse stared at her for a moment, then burst out laughing. She’d never met or even seen pictures of Kit’s brother, but if he looked anything like a male version of Kit, there was no way she would be a good match for him. Kit was stunningly beautiful, with long auburn hair and eyes of a striking gold color. But more importantly, she was tall. Probably close to five foot eleven. She would wager that Kit’s brother was well over six feet. Everything else aside, the mechanics of it would be awkward. Not to mention the fact that, in all the years she had known her, Kit had very rarely mentioned her brother. This alone raised some red flags.

  Oh, yeah, and she was also kind of pining for a certain arson investigator.

  “That is so not going to happen,”
Jesse said with a roll of her eyes before turning and thanking Rob who’d just delivered her drink.

  Kit, shrugging, seemed to have expected the response. “Worth a try, at least. I wouldn’t mind if he had a reason to come around a little more. Then again, we tend to do better when we don’t see that much of each other. So, what have you been up to?” Kit asked, propping her elbows on the table and leaning forward.

  For a moment, Jesse thought Kit might be kidding. But then she realized she hadn’t talked to her friend much over the past several days. So, taking a deep breath, she filled Kit in on everything from Aaron Greene to her car to the explosion in Spin-A-Yarn. At some point, Rob came along and took their lunch orders, and by the time she’d finished recounting her last several days, their food had arrived.

  “Holy shit, Jesse. You were really there?” Kit asked, speaking of the explosion. “I read about it, of course, but not much was reported beyond ‘No one was hurt.’ I also saw the damage when I went to Frank’s this morning. Everyone there was speculating, but I hadn’t heard you were there when it happened.”

  Jesse took a long sip of her wine. “Let’s just say, I think it took a few years off my life.” She paused for a moment then added, “I don’t know how people like Ian can do it—live every day knowing that at any moment a bomb might go off beneath them. And for years, too.” The kind of anxiety he must have lived with every day as a Ranger wasn’t something that just went away and it was no wonder he had a tendency to worry.

  “No kidding,” Kit agreed. “But, I’m just glad you’re okay. And Julie, too.”

  “Me, too. I’m also really glad the kids weren’t with me,” she added. As a parent, she naturally wouldn’t have wanted her kids anywhere near what had happened. But it was more than that, and both she and Kit knew it. Mark had been gone for two years, having died in a fire, a fire that had destroyed his office in less than ten minutes due to a gas leak and ancient insulation. She had no idea how her boys would react to seeing such a similar situation play out in front of them. It was a reminder she didn’t think they’d ever need, especially not so soon after their father’s death.

  For a moment, she and Kit ate in silence, then Kit spoke.

  “So, do they know what happened?”

  The six-million-dollar question, Jesse thought. She shrugged, “I don’t know, but David is investigating it.” She was just taking a bite of her sandwich when she realized her mistake.

  “David? And who might David be?” Kit asked. As if to emphasize the real intent of her question, she put her fork down, steepled her fingers, and cocked her head as she waited for an answer.

  Jesse tried her best to seem matter of fact, but unfortunately, she was talking to a writer and there was very little that escaped Kit’s notice.

  “He’s an arson investigator. He also investigated the fire at the Greene place, which is how I met him. He came in to the hospital to interview Aaron. Then Ian called him in yesterday when the thing happened at Spin-A-Yarn.”

  Kit seemed to be thinking on this. “Is he the extremely good-looking, tall guy I saw with Vivi at the hospital?”

  Jesse frowned. “Yes, but he’s not that tall. I didn’t know you were at the hospital last week.”

  “I wasn’t.” Kit grinned. “Come on, Jesse. You know you’d never tell me anything about him if I just flat out asked.”

  Jesse shot Kit a repressive look, hoping to end the topic. It didn’t work.

  “Come on, tell Mama everything,” Kit chided. Jesse regarded her friend for a long moment. It actually wasn’t a bad idea, talking to Kit about David. She was one of her few single friends, and she wasn’t looking to settle down anytime soon, so Kit probably wouldn’t try to push her into anything. But still, what did she really have to say about him anyway? That she thought there was a mutual interest but wasn’t sure. Or that he hadn’t asked her out and she didn’t know if she’d go on a date anyway? It all seemed too angst-ridden—too schoolgirl-like—to give any voice to.

  “Just say it,” Kit interjected as if reading her thoughts. Jesse eyed her friend’s eager but set expression and realized that Kit wasn’t going to drop the subject so she might as well put it all out there and get it over with. She took a big sip of wine.

  “Okay, here is the story. He’s attractive. Very attractive,” Jesse started.

  “Hallelujah,” Kit interjected.

  “Are you going to let me talk?”

  Kit made a motion of zipping her lips shut.

  “So, the thing is, I’m pretty sure he’s interested in me,” she continued, not feeling entirely comfortable saying what she was saying.

  Kit snorted. “Of course he is, every man alive that’s interested in women is interested in you. Sorry,” she added, slapping her hand over her mouth in response to Jesse’s raised eyebrows.

  “But here’s the deal.” She paused, took a deep breath, then released it, along with everything on her mind about David. “I don’t want to deal with all the shit I dealt with when I was married. Don’t get me wrong, I loved Mark and the life we built together, and I wouldn’t change it for anything. But I don’t want to do it again. I just don’t have it in me to go through everything a relationship takes, again.”

  Kit dipped a few French fries in ketchup and popped them into her mouth. She appeared thoughtful as she chewed.

  “So, who says you have to?” she asked after a moment.

  Jesse let out a rueful laugh. “Do you know how many of my friends are newly married or have been happily married for a long time?” It was phrased as a question but they both knew she was making a point. “I would probably still be married if Mark hadn’t died.” Maybe, she amended to herself, if they’d been able to come through his infidelities intact. But no one but Jesse knew about those and she preferred to keep it that way, if only for the sake of the kids. “If any of our friends see me out on a date, or even hear I’m dating someone, they’ll be all over it. Even if I tell them to drop it. Believe me, none of them will be able to contain themselves.”

  Kit bobbed her head. “I know Matty and Vivi, and you’re right, they won’t be able to contain themselves,” she conceded. “So have a secret relationship with him. Or one of those friends-with-benefits things that seems to be so popular these days,” Kit suggested.

  “Nice idea.” And it was, only it wasn’t. “But the thing is, he has a daughter. I know that sounds totally unrelated, but he was eighteen when she was born and now he’s on his own for the first time. On the one hand, it seems like it might be a perfect solution, right? Like he might want to sow his wild oats, or however that saying goes. But on the other, he told me the other day how the mother of his daughter came back a few months after abandoning him with their baby and basically wanted just that—wanted to use him for sex. And to say he wasn’t into the idea would be an understatement,” she said, remembering how adamant David had been when recounting that part of his story.

  Kit inclined her head but didn’t look convinced. “He had a kid as a kid and I assume the mother left him to do all the work, so of course he wasn’t into it when she came back. Who would be? But now he’s an adult with no responsibilities other than his job and being a good parent to an adult child. My guess is it might be different at this stage in his life,” Kit suggested.

  She gave this some thought. What Kit said was true; it might be different. He was in a very different stage in his life, no doubt about that, but Jesse wasn’t sure. She wasn’t sure what she would think if someone came to her and said, “I want a relationship that actually isn’t a relationship.”

  “Maybe. But he’s a good guy and he deserves someone who can give him what he wants. Someone who can give him simple things, like dinners out in public,” she said with a shake of her head.

  “But do you know what he wants?” Kit asked with a pointed look.

  Jesse blinked. “Meaning?”

  “Do you know what he wants? I mean, have you asked him?”

  Jesse drew back at the thought of ask
ing such a personal and intimate question of someone she barely knew. “Of course not.”

  “Then maybe he wants the same thing you do. But, all that aside,” Kit said, cutting off her objection, “I think that begs the bigger question, what do you want?”

  “What do you mean?” Jesse frowned.

  “I mean, if you could create your fairytale relationship for this stage in your life, what would it look like?” Kit clarified.

  Jesse stared at her friend, at her unblinking golden eyes, and realized Kit was asking a serious question. “I don’t—I don’t actually know what I want. I know what I don’t want,” she answered.

  “But you haven’t given yourself the opportunity to think about what you do want, right?”

  Hesitantly, Jesse nodded in response to her friend’s question.

  “Maybe you should start thinking about that,” Kit suggested. “And then maybe, once you sort it out, you can run it by David. He’s a man who seems like he’s seen and done a lot in life already. My guess is he won’t be at all shy about telling you what he wants.”

  Jesse thought about David and recognized the truth in what Kit was saying. But because it was hard to really imagine, or acknowledge, what she actually wanted, it was nearly impossible to guess whether or not he would want the same.

  With a sigh, she looked up, caught Rob’s attention, and ordered another glass of wine.

  ***

  At her desk several days later, Jesse couldn’t get her conversation with Kit out of her mind. She wasn’t a prude or particularly old-fashioned, but she had never really thought about her options beyond dating someone seriously or having a one-night stand. If she wanted to avoid the questions and pressures of her friends, dating someone was out of the question; living in a small town put everything more or less out in the open. As for a one-night stand, she could travel somewhere else, but that really held no appeal for her. A night of mind-blowing sex held great appeal, of course, but she was old enough to know that, while one-night stands in novels were always mind-blowing, in the real world, the odds were against it.